Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
