found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
