I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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