guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
