I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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