I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
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Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
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I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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