i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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