see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am