high people should be assigned attendants
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her