sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day