her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
