Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.