so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
