i may or may not be watching the land before time
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
