she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
