This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
