you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
