I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
there was a trapeze. enough said
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
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