how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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