He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This house was built for laser tag.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
