She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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