break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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