It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
