She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
