She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
