she was so not down for the gang bang
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
