i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
