searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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