No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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