i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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