You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
