Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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