You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
