she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
