just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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