Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
