if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Is it because I queefed?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
