I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
