you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize