hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
