then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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