He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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