Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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