dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
