Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So much rum. So many feels.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
