just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
