You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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