I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
