He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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