dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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