Where did you get a picture of my penis
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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