He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
