It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
