And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
