Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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