I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
