very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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