sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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