i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
