If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
