How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the room spins SO much faster in panama
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
