Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up under a house in Key West
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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