he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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