one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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