there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
