Im at strip club and am horny
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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