pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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