Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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