Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
