barbara walters just said penis...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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