i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
