there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
