oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
