i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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