Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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