I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
