u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
