Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
